day-5

In the morning I went and slept (finally!) on the sofa in the living room and turned on the AC to catch up on some sleep...Since, last night I was clapping my way to hell! 

(dear mosquitoes, I know that I'm delicious and you love me a lot...but that doesn't mean that you can leave hickeys all over me! I know I taste like heaven! But...I want this to stop...I look like I got measles! the next time I see you Imma swat you!)

I was sleeping soundly when I felt like someone was watching me...when I opened my eyes (boo! B####!) Honey was looking at me like a creepo!

 I punched him but he sat on the sofa (thanks bro..as if I had enough space already!) I didn’t bother kicking him because I was feeling really tired… ( Ladies and gentlemen! Introducing the annoying creatures that destroyed my sleep and created new dark circles around my eyes! Mosquitoes! Please give them a huge spray of ‘all out!’). Like sitting wasn’t enough! He had to lie down and literally squash me against the wall! ( In need of ventilation! SOS! Save me! Sonu! Where the hell do you run away to when your sis is dying?). Oh! And remember how much I was whining yesterday for not wishing him? I rectified my wrong doings (damn you brain! You forgot my baby brother who is in the size of a buffalo’s birthday!) I gave his prickly (probably didn’t shave for a decade!) cheek a little smooch and wished him…

                                              

(yes yes…I can attest to that! As you can see my brain was hella tired due to the lack of sleep and proper ventilation! It wasn’t me! It was the one-eyed man!) At least I got to wish him first! (Not bragging!...but I wished him first! I did! Muhuhahaha!)
Both of us kinda fell asleep on that tiny couch! (He kept tickling me! I couldn’t sleep at all! Damn you stinky pig!) I didn’t bother kicking him because I was feeling really tired… 

Since that trashcan wasn’t planning on letting me sleep, I went to my room (after I pushed him to the ground…I wanted to stamp him…but then I might get poo on my pure white feet which smells like a bed of roses!) to get my clothes. After a bath in Antarctica, I had breakfast with my army. It was already 9:30! And we needed to get the cake (I hope sonu doesn’t eat the cake…) and hide it! All of us quickly got ready…expect the trashcan and his wife… God knows why the hell they were taking so long! Were they shooting a frigging movie inside? (Wipe that creepy grin off of your faces people!)

I kept knocking on their room door like a mad, crazy idiot! Then they finally opened the door and came out like movie stars…

 (Like… Am I supposed to ask for your autograph or something? Get your ass out here honey! You’re 30 years old and you still need your wife to put your diaper for you?)

Sonu brought the cake in the meanwhile and honey booked another car (obviously the family…excluding grandpa cannot possibly fit in one tiny car!) we hid the cake and the presents in the other car and made all the old people sit in the other car… (Mom, both my aunts, and my granny) the remaining young people (excluding honey, honey’s wife and sonu…ok…then according to my theory I’m the only young person!... I’m cool with that! Both of my brothers stink like old people anyway!) seated our butts in honey’s car. Honey somehow already (Sherlock Holmes? But my trash can is nothing compared to Robert downy junior!) knew that the cake was in the other car, but my instincts made me do something dumb… I pulled honeys shirt in the middle of the road (and that does not end there!) I dragged him like my dirty laundry bag and stuffed him in his car!

 (He had that ‘I know you’re hiding the presents in the other car’ look! But still he pretended to know nothing…damn you trashcan!) Then we finally started for the beach! (First ‘Chidiya Tapu’ and then we all will stop at the ‘rose valley resort’ for lunch and also for swimming!

The ride was silent and calm (ok! I lied! Honey was blasting music and his wife was the DJ! Now I’ve heard horrible music, but both my brothers singing is just on another level of horrid!)  

Honey hardly steers the wheel, because half of the time he dances like his arms are on fire or something! Thank the heavens I’m alive! Honestly, I would rather be in the ‘Jurassic park’ movie than in honey’s car when he drives like a psycho!  

 The weather was perfect for making a hot cup of tea and wearing my favorite pajamas, playing one direction’s music and reading a really heartwarming manga! (My bloody bad luck!) But since I was with my family… I had to be like a social butterfly (that’s what my mom always tells me!) we finally reached ‘Chidiya Tapu’ and I had absolutely no mood to get out of the car! (That feeling of laziness you get after travelling for a really long time! *preach!*)

When I finally got out of the car, (call it my good luck or fate…) it started raining!  Whoohoo! Beach cancelled! Then I realized that I forgot something! The cake! I ran to the other car but it wasn’t there! I turned around to see two monkeys (mom and honey’s mom!) running in the bloody rain like headless chicken with the cake box!

 I gave up! My hair is more important than anything else in the world! (my hair, my phone, manga, my art tool, music, fandoms, OTP list and my retarded people that I call my friends are the only reason why I’m sorta alive till date!) when I got into the car my granny was sitting inside comfortably!

 (well…someone’s day is gonna go from bad to worse!...no offence! I love my gran! Just that her one-sided sarcastic comments kinda annoy me…) so after a whole ‘clash of the titans’ scene between the old farts and the young baboons (not me of course!) we decided to take off directly to the resort. We all sat in our cars (and of course my gran came along with us) and I was feeling drained out! (Thank you, dear honey the ‘walking pooping trashcan’ for not letting me take a tiny nap! I hope you fall off a cliff!) Sonu, gran and I were sitting behind. Sonu was sitting in the middle with both his arms on both gran’s and my part of the seat! When I saw the way he was sitting, my mind (wild imagination~) gave me a thought that was related to an anime that I watched! Oh my god! He looked like some player from a host club with two ladies on his sides and a creepy look on his face! Kyaahhh!! [>///.///<] ( *internal nosebleed?* no! for having a weird brain like this, I might explode every single time I think like a creepy-ass!) *creepy-ness intensifies!*

 of course no-one noticed, not even sonu! I have the best poker face in public! Even now, sonu doubts the fact that i check out guys. since i practically stayed up all night, swatting mosquitoes and scratching like a cute puppy

… I fell asleep! I exactly have no idea when or how I fell asleep, but honey tells me that I slept on Sonu’s shoulder ( when honey said that, I honestly didn’t believe him because I was certain that Sonu would have kicked me if I fell asleep on his shoulder…but it turns out to be true! (Eww!! his stupidity might rub off on me!)

I hope I didn’t sleep talk or bite or hug him… I always have these weird habits! I bit my hand once, sang a one direction song thrice, and hugged honey once…thrice…ok! I lost count! He’s so squishy like a big teddy bear!)

We reached the resort and my hair was flawless (brushing my hair 93 times everyday pays!) as usual (just kidding!). As I'm a natural hog-er ( I need to publish my own dictionary!) I dragged my family to the restaurant and we decided to cut the cake...omg! the cake! it was still rotting in the car! Sonu (I felt kinda lazy to move!)  brought the cake box safely-ish from the car and set it on the table. *fingers crossed* my mom dramatically opens the box in slothy slow motion! (mom! stop it with the suspense thingie!) and TADA! By the looks of it Sonu hadn't attacked the cake but it got kinda messy during the rough car ride... (I'm surprised that my mom didn't 'taste' the cake!).

After cutting the cake and throwing the gifts at honey, we went inside and got four tickets for using the swimming pool for an hour. Honey and his wife were busy doing…busy! They were busy! (I would not like to replay the nightmare again!) Sonu started nagging me, saying that girls take hell lotta time just to get dressed!

 (Uh-hello? Make-up isn’t a cake walk! It’s a bloody walk down the ‘you can’t redo or over do it, if you go wrong!’ lane! Do you know how tough it is to get eyeliner on both the eyes same? It needs patience, practice, perfection and another word staring with ‘p’! You guys just need to stuff your polio legs into your jeans and put on a t-shirt!) Since we had to change into our swimming outfits, I challenged him and that dumb-ass agreed! It’s true that we girls take an hour to get ready…but we can change our clothes into something comfortable in the speed of light! (Velocity of light (c) =3x10⁸ m/s!). i Hope you enjoy getting your ass kicked bro...why? cause its hella obvious that I'm gonna win!

Both of us quickly ran into separate changing rooms…I quickly removed my bracelet, ring and hoops and then I changed before the blink of an eye (ok…10-20 blinks of an eye!)

I practically leaped out of the changing room and news flash? I won! *boom!* but since I’m mature, I’m not gonna make fun of Sonu…but dude! I won! In your face piggy!

I slowly got into the cold pool and I was waiting to get used to the water when honey the trashcan splashed water on my face! Thank you! Now you’re giving me even more reasons why I should kill you first! All of were playing like kindergarten kids!

                                           

Both my brothers decided to go shirtless…thanks bros…for providing material for my creepy brain! I started getting thoughts like… “We should have gone to a crowded pool!” and “omg! This feels just like ‘free!’!” (Normal people may not know that, whereas the otakus have the biodata of each character!…that includes me too!)

Honey was kinda teaching his wife how to swim…why the hell did you even get a ticket for a person who doesn’t know to swim? (Oh… even if you just wanted to flirt with her in the pool…dude! You’re with your family that also includes your 16 year old practically innocent sister! Get a room people!) Honestly? It’s like giving a lamp to a frigging blind person! (No offence! But please make use of your brain! You lack common sense!)

In the midst of our games, I smelt a really weird (horribly, gruesome smell) and then I turn around to see bubbles coming out of the water where honey was standing (farting…I had to be in the pool! *facepalm!*) I quickly swam away like my life depended on it! (My life was in danger!)

It started drizzling (welcome to the land of bipolar weather!) and the rest of my family started yelling at us to get out of the water… the reason? Because we might get wet… hold up! Are you people insane? We’re in a frigging swimming pool filled with water! We’re literally soaked till our underwear and you want us to get out of the swimming pool because we might get drenched? Seriously? (If you guys were trying to crack a joke…then for your kind info the joke didn’t crack, it exploded! along with your common sense!)

They yelled at us (I honestly still can’t believe that we share the same DNA… I mustn't been kidnapped and raised by these crazy pirates!) I tried to pretend that I can’t understand a word they said!

 (Zip it people! Or Imma fling yo booty down a cliff!). Both my aunts suddenly got up and started walking to the restaurant. (You guys were hungry? Oh…now that explains you’re psychotic behavior!)

 My mom started snapping our pics. I seriously felt like we’re hippos in a zoo and my mom’s taking snaps of the wild gross animals in the pool!

 After I had enough of internally puking every time I saw honey and his wife being mushy,

 I got out of the pool. And grabbed a towel (the rain stopped! I honestly need to bring along a damn weather forecaster with me!) and went with Sonu to the changing rooms and Guess what? He challenged me (again) for a rematch.

 (So? Getting your ass kicked once by a girl who is 10 years younger than you isn’t somehow enough humiliation? Ok… I shall have your ass kicked again…no problem!) But I wasn’t in the mood to kick ass, I just wanted to shower and change into something less heavy and chlorine smelling. I slowly sloth-ed (is sloth-ed even a word? ‘Sloth’ is obviously a word…and so is ‘ed’ so adding them both makes ‘sloth-ed’ a word! Woohoo! New word discovered!) my way into the changing room and took a shower with a Rihanna performance (by yours truly…).

 After my crazy bathroom singing was done, I came out just to find Sonu with a stupid grin on his face (your face is horrible…now with a dash of that stupid grin you look even more irritating! I’m a heart-less biotch!) Honestly…you need to stop! Grow up! Are you feeling so elated that you won in a dress changing competition against a 16 year old girl? Seriously? ( Yay! You’re a certified idiot!)

We both had to walk to the lounge chairs where my mom and granny were laughing like insane people. Since it was kinda raining (bipolar…) I and Sonu had to share a towel over our heads. Seriously…the things I do to prove that I’m human! (I was suppressing my urge to push Sonu into the pool while walking back! but since my mom might kill me if I did that...I had to act like a normal human!).

When we reached both my aunts were sitting with a grumpy look on their faces…reason? Because they were waiting for us even though they were hungry. And when I asked them to eat till the honey and his wife get back. They said “no, we can eat together…like a family!” sorry…I can’t face palm for this. I need someone to slap me on the face for being born into this family! (level of stupidity: 1,00,000!). 

                                       

When honey came back with his beloved after doing god know what ( ;p ), all of us (excluding me…I just sat there staring at my Zayn Malik lock screen!)

Sonu and I just sat there silently ...

while honey protected us (melodrama!) against the evil forces of hungry family members!

Then we ordered food fit for an army! I get it that we all hog like pigs, but please… you guys are the reason that famines even exist!

My aunt (honey’s mom) wanted to eat something different, so she ordered a dish with a name which only Martians may understand.

We got busy with taking weird pics and honey kept annoying me with his ‘oh-so-called’ stupid and not so funny jokes! (Dude… your jokes suck even more than mine! So you know how bad they are!)  

Two things got my attention…

1.          The really pretty location where we were sitting…

      2.   The driver of the other car was an Asian dude!

 (Oh Lord! What mistake have I done to thee? Thy making me suffer because of my creepiness?) No! I wasn’t ogling… I wasn’t feeling that normal… because I missed the new anime release!

The food finally was served and Hallehlujah! I started my usual business and my family members started being annoying again (Talking! Didn’t your mom ever teach you not to talk while eating? Ah…Mother, daughter and grandson were busy talking while spitting out droplets of radioactive substances from their mouths!) I was so engrossed in eating that I didn’t even nod my head when they asked me something!

The ‘dish’ which my aunt ordered finally arrived and guess what? I don’t even know why it looked so weird! (even science may not know!) 

Honey tried it out and turns out its just fruits cut and thrown into a white suspicious and horribly, spicy gravy and heated in the microwave for 10 minutes till an explosion occurred and they scooped it from the floor and served it in a bowl with a coriander to make it look less poisonous! (OK! I’m over exaggerating!) Dear aunt, I get that you wanted to be all adventurous and try something different…but please understand that this…whatever it is, its obviously is inedible! I’m a hungry ape who needs meat! I’m a frigging carnivore not a cow! My mom told me to give it a taste anyway! (Are you out of your mind? I’m not your lab rat!)

After lunch I practically ran out of the restaurant while both my mom and honey’s mom were making a big fuss on who should pay! (No! it’s not that way! It’s like a reverse play going on… my mom insisted on paying but my aunt wanted to pay instead! (Seriously? Come on! I can read your minds people! So cut the crap!) I didn’t even bother since I wasn’t hungry anymore!

We reached the parking lot and my mom goes “Lets all go home…since we’re having guests in the evening!”. (Mom, you’re old whereas I’m young, let me live my life while you cook dinner for tonight and fold my clothes…okay?) I made a huge fuss and BAM! Mom grants me full freedom! (the art of making a huge fuss and scene and also puppy dog face…I learnt all these from my friends…thanks guys! I owe you nothing since I’m a naturally talented actor!) 

good things don’t last forever…in my case good things don’t last for more than 1.5 minutes! So mom warned us to be back by (curfew alert!...) 5! *drops atomic bomb!*.

At least she let us, the ‘fantastic four’ go somewhere! (I’m the ‘invisible lady’ and sonu is obviously ‘the thing’!)

All the old farts left in the other car and the remaining pseudo-hipsters squeezed our food filled asses (lol!) into honey’s car. Since we didn’t wanna waste time in driving, honey drove like a mindless freak! 

We planned on visiting ‘Corbyn Beach’ on the way home and since we had very little time left, honey drove at 100 km/hr. even though we were going so fast that my lunch was on the verge of coming out (not such a pretty sight…) honey’s wife had to (just had to!) make a big fuss and say, “you drive like a little girl!”…ladies and gentle men let me advice just one small little thing. Never (and when I say never…I mean NEVER!) tell a guy who is driving at the speed of light that he drives like a girl! He might either hit the brakes or drive off a cliff!

 Honey gave us that, ‘you asked for hell? And hell I shall deliver’ look and went all crazy and drove even faster! I told (screamed…to be accurate) that if he drove any faster I might throw up! (Honestly to him we were driving ‘slowly’…like dude! Your slowly is like, “oh! You have motion sickness? Wait…let me make you feel less comfortable by driving in the speed of light! You’re gonna puke? Just let me make a hundred unwanted turns everywhere till you vomit! You want me to stop the car so you can throw up? Wait let me keep driving for 20 miles like an insane psychopath so you can feel even sicker than you already are!”)

And to top it off his wife kept annoying him saying, “You drive like my grandma!” Seriously? Like girl Imma throw up on your ‘you drive like my grandma’ face if honey drives any faster! OK! Now I felt the need to pee! 

At that moment I honestly felt that we were in "2012" movie and there was a frigging tsunami behind our butts! I plead the readers to support this little child (that’s me!) against the evil forces of the vile husband-wife duo! People! Pull out your AK-47 (I’m still trying to get one…still…) and aim for her head! 

We reached the beach and we headed to the Japanese bunker and took bazillion pics on the beach!

While coming back to the car we saw a group of Nicobar-ish guys playing beach volleyball. (And since all of you are well aware of my creeper self…) my wild imagination ran wild (like it’s pants caught fire! Ahh! *throws laptop!* I need to get a life besides being a certified biotch and a damned social recluse!). One of my sporty friends mentioned long time back that the guys who play games have really strong leg muscles…shit! Not that type of games, I meant physical activities! ...wait! I didn’t mean that type of physical activities! (Damn my dirty mind…) I meant humans who play outdoor games like soccer, volley ball etc! (Please excuse me, while I run to church and pour a gallon of holy water on my brain!

Actually it was! I kept creeping on them and yea! Their legs were like turkey legs! I meant that…in a nice way…I meant that it was really muscular…(we interrupt this program to divert the readers from the disturbing thoughts of the writer! *censored thoughts!!!*)

I accidentally blurted out my thoughts and Sonu was totally (obviously~~) surprised that his baby little, cute and kawaii sister could project such vile thoughts! Honey almost knows about my mind (as in! my thinking!) just because he accidentally saw my phone on purpose and I know that he still regrets hacking (I never knew that animals could hack systems!) my phone…till date!

After all the madness we had to get going…we reached home a little before curfew (well…well…well! Isn’t someone on their best behavior?) and I took a nice long bath and changed to my pajamas, walked to the terrace with a chair and sat there comfortably. Well…as I calculated (yes…I can do math…surprised? Yea…I do have a brain!)

 the volley ball dudes started their usual game (I honestly would have felt better with a can of cold beer and a pack of cigs! LOL! Just kidding folks! I don’t drink or smoke! I just said that, cause it sounded cool when my uncle said that!).

 My mom suddenly interrupted my train of thoughts (I’m pretty sure that the train’s name would be ‘creepy-ass express’ and the destination would probably be ‘weirdo-ville!’ that consists of retarded people including my pervy friends and me!) 

and told me that my oh-so called relatives–ish people were coming any moment now! (one word…just one word that came in my head… RUN!). 

The volley ball game can wait! I ran (like the wind!) and fortunately I saw Sonu beside the kitchen (probably hogging food!). *ding dong!* (damn the relatives already started surrounding the front door!). So as to save myself, I grabbed him and ran into honey’s room (our only place for hiding!) and switched on the TV. Since I was so rudely interrupted from my weird thoughts, I happily continued them while happily watching “Captain America-The Winter Soldier”!

During the whole movie Sonu and I kept talking about totally unrelated topics…like so and so. (Crushes! We were talking about crushes in general! You guys might face palm yourselves and kill me if I tell you who my first crush is…I mean was! Sonu honestly fell off the bed when I told him my ugly secret…) then the topic somehow went to ‘typical boyfriend/girlfriend’ (in my case boyfriend and in case girlfriend unless…Sonu is gay! 

Seriously I doubt that you even like girls because…I don’t know why exactly but! I’m guessing! I hope you’re not!). Sorry for saying that Sonu...I cant help the fact that I'm the very epitome of Satan!    

For me I told him that the first things (NOTE: plural not singular…yes…I notice a lot…a whole lot! Just kidding~~) I notice in guys. So I told him

1.          Hair! (yes… the dead cells that are present on top of our head that always fall off when you comb them or during exams or when you have a crazy fight with your siblings.)

2.        Eyes! (yup! Eyes…not as in checking them for cataract and glaucoma! Just checking them out! The color and ish…okay! Now I totally sound like a creeper!)

3.        Hands! (Duder! I ain’t meaning that in an awkward way… just saying…)

4.        Sense of fashion! (The person can gladly fall off a cliff or eat my sister’s food or live in Sonu’s room and die if he doesn’t have a good sense of fashion! That does not mean wearing lipstick and miniskirts! God you’d look weird! The least they can do is throw on some cologne and some nice shoes!) 

Sonu was clearly amused hearing the short version of my long list of “typical boyfriend material!”. The minute he started telling me his oh-so-called list, I started calling the police (just in case…) *BLOODY EVIL LAUGH LIKE A BOSS!*

He told me the most ridiculous thing, that he is obsessed with girls with nice legs! (Hello? Yes I’m calling to inform that there might be a creepy stalker-ish perv who is obsessed with legs living in this street! I can confirm that he is a threat to the human race! Worst case scenario he might turn hella violent and end up cutting human legs and start eating them for God’s sake!)   

I had to pretend as if whatever he said is the most normal thing in the world! (WHY? He might suicide if I tell him all the stuff that practically skips through my mind!)

Actually after talking so freely (not so much…gotta keep my mind a secret!) with Sonu, I felt like all those awkward moments were just a figment of my imagination! (Nope! Nuh-uh baby girl! Those awkward moments are as real as Kristen Stewart’s emotionless face!) My mom suddenly called me and I had to go and since I was gonna be introduced to a bunch of aliens I had to plaster a huge plastic and fake as f smile on my face.

                 

 Honestly I didn’t even bother to introduce myself! (I literally wanted to be like, “my name? Huh? How about ‘miss bitchy’? Come on! Old lady! I don’t even live here! And seriously? Asking me to visit you when I have time? Oh! Like I’m gonna SWIM to Port Blair when I’m bored! I know you’re trying to be polite! But please spare me! The only thing I wanna do now is just ignore you and go watch my movie! I get that you’re TRYING to be friendly and all! Buts let’s keep it simple and next time you see just wave your hand and say ‘hi’ and I might pop a little ‘hey’ and pretend that you don’t even exist and you know what? You can do the same! It would be the best for the both of us that way! My facial muscles might fall of my skull if I keep forcing fake smiles! Capiche?” but since I can’t say all these mean things out loud…I had to play along…) The intruding army had fun interrogating me about all my personal details (if you plan on paying my collage fees, I might consider telling you how much I score in school!) and pinching the life out off my poor face!

Once the band of crazy baboons left, I had my dinner because I was really hungry!

I went to check my phone (which wasn’t working because of the stupid roaming) and suddenly my phone (magically) started working and I received more than 56 missed calls and 73 texts! (Crazy friends!) And BAM! One of my friends called me at that moment and we were like…

I was about to start my (venting) convo when the phone switched off automatically (I hate you for this…) because of low battery! (Damn it! I totally forgot to charge my phone for three days since it wasn’t working!) I quickly plugged the charger and guess what? My phone wasn’t working again! I ran like a psych (its hard to be away from human civilization for more than 3 days!) and grabbed my mom’s phone and called him back…but her phone wasn’t working so I gave up and went to the terrace. The night sky was kind pretty. I took a tiny stroll on the terrace and went to sleep pretty early (1 in the morning…that early…for me!) because my annoying family were bound to ruin my sleep somehow…I don’t know how…but I know the first thing I see when I wake up will be my crazy-ass, weird but cool in a confusing way family’s face or their butts! (That was by accident! My aunt was searching for her slipper under my bed…and yea…I woke up at the wrong time…that’s all!)

 I tried to sleep then yea...my 'so-called' tiny friends came to drink my blood! so I started swatting the mosquitoes like my pants are on fire! and kinda went to sleep at that time...